Anyhow, I have needed a better guitar for some time but never thought I would be able to afford one.  This past week, while practicing with the gals (getting ready for the Tour de Felicite) I was unable to get through my new song “Strange” because of the action on my guitar.  SO!  How does this end, you ask?

I met a man named Dave, whom I believe I mentioned in another post, who is a wonderful engineer.  He mentioned to my friend Preston that God had given him a guitar to give to someone, and Preston mentioned me…. So today Dave came by today with a beautiful Aria guitar with a Spruce top, a Rosewood bridge and a Mahogany back.  He asked if I wanted to play it….  AND THEN ASKED IF I WANTED IT!!!

I have no words to express how absolutely overwhelmed I am.

I am so thrilled to release a new cd, even if it is only three songs. Working with Preston has been wonderful, and the songs sound fantastic. It’s only a limited release, but I can’t wait! We recorded “Paper Box” and it came out really well.

This has been the most stressful week EVER. Yesterday, Rhe and I had an 18 hour day on minimal sleep. We have been busy making last minute plans and merch for tour. Rhe was gone for the last 6 months in Australia, and I have never planned a tour like this before, so there was a lot of last minute stuff to do. Anyway, I am going to sleep! We are still trying to find a tour van before Saturday. Yikes.

Seriously, if I was a miniature seaperson, I would own a seahorse and ride it everywhere.

“What if you could see inside my head?

See what swings from light posts, see the colours of the paths I tread..

What if you could hear the things I’ve heard?

Listen to my memories and make sense of every word…

‘Cause I’ve been hearing a strange soft sound that nobody hears

Like a heart break-breaking and drowning in tears

I’ve been watching a life slip-slipping through monotonous days

Like a mannequin marching through perpetual haze

And it’s strange, strange, strange…strange!

What if every wish I wished came true?

Everyone would see the things I always hid from view…

What if I could show you what I’ve seen in my darkest hours?

Would you finally understand me?

‘Cause I’ve been hearing a strange soft sound that nobody hears

Like a heart break-breaking and drowning in tears

I’ve been watching a life slip-slipping through monotonous days

Like a mannequin marching through perpetual haze

And it’s strange, strange, strange…strange!

I’ve been pursing my lips

And cursing the times I trip and I let it slip

That I–

Oh, I almost, almost did it again…

And I’ve been crossing my fingers behind my back when talking

But words keep walking where even angels fear to tread

And I wish I could just forget

‘Cause I’ve been hearing a strange soft sound that nobody hears

Like a heart break-breaking and drowning in tears

I’ve been watching a life slip-slipping through monotonous days

Like a mannequin marching through perpetual haze

And it’s strange, strange, strange…strange!”

Some thoughts from inside my head. Enjoy.

Anyway, I woke up for band practice and I just couldn’t shake the icky feeling I had from the dream…especially when we practiced “Still.”  Yikes.

(c) 2006 Gayle Skidmore

“Can’t sate my desire for decadence

I’m caught in the mire of common sense

And God has got me in the box that it got free from

The mirror holds all I’ve been taught to hate

I learned my lesson and got an ‘A’

And now there is something I’ve got to say while you’re still here with me

Why can’t we love each other?

Why can’t you hold my hand?

Why can’t we kiss each other?

I don’t understand

All of the hours that slip away

Alone in a crowd on a cloudy day

I feel like I am resigned to disconnection

The child in my soul is growing old

With no one to tell her she’s not alone

I don’t believe all that I’ve been told and that’s why I have to beg

Why can’t we love each other?

Why can’t you hold my hand?

Why can’t we kiss each other?

I don’t understand

I’m sorry that I let you walk away

And now that I’m sorry, what can I say?

We never forget and we never get to make anything right

We’ve all got the answer to happiness

But we fold our arms, we don’t raise our hands

I can’t understand why all of us have lost our kindness

Why can’t we love each other?

Why can’t you hold my hand?

Why can’t we kiss each other?

I don’t understand

Put down your gun and take my hand and I will try to understand

Why can’t we love each other?

Why can’t you hold my hand?

Why can’t we kiss each other?

I don’t understand”

I was thinking today about why we can’t seem to love each other and this song came to mind. I had a long conversation with a good friend about the things people say about one another, why they say them, and what should be done about it. It seems to me that a lot of what we hear and say is negative things. While much of what is said is retaliatory, still more seems to stem from insecurities. It is unprovoked; it comes from jealousy. We are jealous because we don’t truly believe that God has good things in store for us. We can’t rejoice with other people when they have success because we don’t believe that we will have or deserve success of our own.

So, why don’t we love each other? Because we don’t love ourselves. While I don’t believe that it is beneficial to society to pump children’s heads full of ego-fluffing isms and ideas, we shouldn’t hate ourselves either. If we are to ‘love our neighbors as ourselves,’ we must learn what it means to love ourselves in a healthy manner. I have struggled for years with body image issues and food issues. With the help of God and my therapist, I have developed healthier ideas about how to treat myself. I believe that we need to take care of our bodies, minds and souls, attend to our needs and treat ourselves with respect, as we would a sacred place. If we love ourselves in this way, then we will know what it means to love others. If we are to consider others better than ourselves, and we already respect and care for ourselves, we will be able to create environments that enable those around us to develop to their full potential.

“I’ve been sung this song before

By a different heart

I know the lyrics all too well

And I hated every one of them from the start

You don’t need to sing right now

I already know your plans

I know every verse

I’ve got the chorus memorized

And I had hoped I’d never hear that song again

When the sun sets there’s no denying that it’s rise in a different land

There’s no need to try to tell me–I already understand

I’ve been down this road before

Led by a different hand

I know every twist and every turn in every mile

And I had hoped I’d never pass this way again

I must have just been dreaming when I heard you speak those words

Dreams can be deceiving

And I’ve been led astray before

I was awakened from my thoughts by the very first line

Of the song that broke my heart when I heard it for the very first time

When the sun sets there’s no denying it’ll rise in a different land

There’s no need to try to tell me

I already understand

You don’t love me, you don’t need me

And I knew it when you took my hand

So don’t you sing another line

I already understand

I already understand

I already understand”